Houston, We Have a Plan

Picture walking into Disney World for the first time, but instead of rides and cotton candy and balloons, you have what seems like a million doctors offices, and everyone around you is a little tired, a little overwhelmed, and a little sick ... with Cancer. That was a bit of what it was like going to MD Anderson for the first time. I can only describe it as a doctors office theme park. When I first got out of the car in Houston I couldn't even process it all ... the place was huge, and overwhelming and everyone around me was dealing with Cancer. It ranged from children all the way to grandparents and it was one of the scariest and most humbling experiences ever.

You see - one of the hardest things about having Cancer, is realizing that the world goes on as it normally would (and as it normally should) regardless of whether you are sick or not. I've found myself out walking the dog, or just driving in my car, watching the people around me. People going through life as normal - laughing, talking, etc. and I just think - how can your life go on when mine seems like, in some ways, it has stopped. That's where MD Anderson opened my eyes and humbled me. There are so many people going through battles just like I am. It was intimidating to be there, but in the same way it was eye opening and I couldn't help but think how blessed I was. Most of the people there were alone, or with one other family member. I was there with my parents, grandparents and husband. I had my army with me and not everyone has the same army that I do. I felt nervous, but blessed.

So anyways, we went to MD in search of a consensus on a treatment plan, and that is exactly what we got. What we didn't expect though, was that the Dr's in Houston would be pushing for me to get all of my treatments with them ... in Houston. This brought up a whole new set of decisions that we didn't think we would have to make. Do I commute and then eventually move to Houston, so that I can get my treatments at a place that is considered by many as the "best of the best", or do I go back home and get my treatments with the Dr's that I consider the "best of the best". It was like the hardest game of "would you rather" ever. We prayed on it. We slept on it. We cried on it. Eventually I even made everyone in the room close their eyes and vote on it (this is the teacher in me - you have to have unbiased opinions right?!)

In the end, we decided to come back to Dallas, at least for the time being. It was a hard decision to make because MD Anderson truly has the best of the best when it comes to technology and research and doctors, but where they were lacking, in my opinion was bedside manner. They didn't encourage me like my Dr's did in Dallas, and while that may seem unimportant to some, it is a major factor for me. My oncologist in Dallas hugs me and tells me that he loves me every time that I leave his office; I could call his cellphone at 3am (and I have) and he answers by the second ring. My other medical oncologist who is charge of my Chemo literally sits and prays with us at the end of each meeting and takes every single one of our phone calls (even on his days off). My radiation oncologist calls me Angel and encourages me that this is just another chapter in my life, not the end. These things ... these doctors ... these hero's (because honestly they are hero's to me) ... this kind of love and compassion, matters just as much as the medicine.

So, we are back in Dallas, with a treatment plan in hand. The first step is to do something called induction chemo. It is an aggressive concoction of three chemo medicines, with the intent being to shrink this damn tumor. I will receive the Chemo once a week, for 2-3 cycles (6-9 weeks) and then we will re-scan and re-evaluate around week 6. My Dr's here are following the plan that the Dr's at MD suggested and are going to keep in contact with them throughout the process. After we re-scan (which I am proclaiming here and now WILL show that the tumor has shrunk) we will re-evaluate what our next step is. This could be surgery followed by chemo/radiation or just concurrent chemo/radiation (this is the option I am praying for).

We have started the process already as I had my first day of chemo yesterday and it was TEN HOURS LONG. Yes - TEN HOURS. I was one of the first people there and literally the last person to leave (the nurses had to decide who was going to stay with me since it was so late). Today I am feeling "eh" (somewhere between not-too-awful and blah-do-I-really-have-to-get-up-and-feed-myself). I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring (everyone differs in how and when the side effects hit) but I am taking it one day at a time. The nausea is for the birds and I am achy all over, but hey, I am alive, and I am one step closer to a cure. The real fun side effects (like major acne all over your face and hair loss) are soon to come so I will let you know how positive I feel once that field of rainbows and butterflies comes around. Hell - maybe I'll get myself a blonde wig and become a whole new woman.

To finish up this long, rambling post, I just wanted to re-iterate how lucky I am to have all of the wonderful people in my life that I do. I mean, I literally have people across the globe praying for me. I had grandparents that flew in to be with me. They have cooked me meals, stocked our refrigerator, held my hand, you name it. I have total rockstars for parents who have done the big things, like helping us make the tough decisions, and advocating for me in ways that I can't explain, and the small things (that still are so big) like cleaning our apartment, shopping for us and watching our dog. I have a husband who I swear God put on this Earth for this exact reason. He exemplifies his vows of "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" every second of every day, and he has fiercely loved me and held me up throughout this entire process. I have parents-in-law that are coming this weekend to be with us. I have friends, and friends of friends, and family friends, and people that I don't even know offering to do almost anything that they can to make our day to day lives easier. These are the things that are eye opening. These are the things that I know not every person at MD Anderson is blessed to have. God has allowed these people and their acts to shine through this dark time, and I consider myself a truly lucky girl.

I will continue to keep everyone updated (that is if you're not already sick of my rambling posts!) as we progress. Tomorrow I am going to try my hardest to go back to work. I desperately am in need of some hugs and selfless loving that you can only get from a kid!

Thanks for being a part of my army as I fight the fight.

xoxo L