New Year / Same Fight
Happy 2017 from one happy girl.
I went back to see when my last post was (mid-December .. oops) and I realized that SO much happy has happened since then (double oops that I haven't shared it until now). In our world's current situation, where social media is overwhelmingly made up of negativity, sadness, and honestly just irritating political posts (where are all the cute puppy posts?) I figured I would fill your screen up with a little happiness.
For starters, I got to enjoy a few chemo-free, beefy-cheese-ball-filled weeks over Christmas break in order to let my body rest. When the doctors told us that my body needed a break from chemotherapy, and that the break would be for over a month long, I nodded happily and agreed, said something like "oh, of course; that makes sense" but in my head I was all "HELL YES BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER CAN I DANCE AROUND IN YOUR OFFICE OR NAH?" I love it when doctors tell you things that you are actually happy to hear. I mean, you don't question someone when they offer you something like that. It's like someone offering you 1 million dollars - you TAKE the million dollars and RUN ... don't give them the time to change their mind. So we took the break from chemo. and enjoyed some relaxing family time without having to think too much about the medical stuff. Zach and I even had a moment where we decided we should fully reap the benefits of this time off, and within less than 2 weeks we had planned a trip to New York. This was so unlike us, but hey, why not?
After the holidays, and our fabulous trip to the concrete jungle, we came back (semi)ready to get back into the swing of things. "The swing of things", in this case, eventually meant another PET scan. We (read: everyone but me) were pretty positive that things with this scan would turn out well, since the last one was so good. My brain, however, continued to convince me otherwise (#newyear #sameme).
Example of my brain: "Oh, I just coughed one time, the cancer must be in my throat" or, "Oh, I just lost another eyelash, I must have eyelash cancer"*
*dramatized to give you the full effect of my ridiculous brain
So, you get the picture - I was once again a nervous wreck that the scan was going to show something bad. But it didn't. In fact, the scan showed nothing. Yes, NOTHING - meaning - THERE IS CURRENTLY NO (ZIP/ZERO/NADA) CANCER IN MY BODY!
My doctor explained that I had had a FULL response to the induction chemo-therapy and that it had successfully and completely gotten rid of the stupid tumor. My family and I had all gone in to the appointment thinking that the best case scenario was just that my tumor had shrunk some more. Honestly, I don't think any of us even knew that a complete remission was even possible. However, as I have learned time and time again through this chapter of my life, with God, all (and I honestly mean ALL) things are possible.
We all sat in the doctors office that day, emotional and shocked, crying, praying and hugging, but honestly it didn't truly hit me until I got home and was by myself. I literally fell on the floor and sobbed. This disease has such a way of robbing you of so much happiness at times, that news like this is like a punch in the stomach (in a good way - if that makes sense). It knocks the wind out of you and you can't think of a way to truly say thank you in a big enough way, to the God who just delivered you the best news of your life.
Blog intermission: (go grab some popcorn and soda, I am almost done I promise)
So, with all of this wonderful news being said, I still have to continue on with our original plan of attack. My doctor explained that chemo is a little like a "medicine" for the cancer, but it is not the ultimate cure. What we are hoping will be the ultimate I-am-95-years-old-and-got-to-live-my-life-without-ever-having-to-worry-about-this-stupid-disease cure will be radiation (surgery is a no go - YAY). I start my 7 weeks of treatment tomorrow, which includes once a week chemo. and 5 days a week radiation. My doctors, family and I are encouraged by my super positive response to the chemo., and we are ready to start the next (and hopefully final step) towards eventual cure.
In many ways, this second round of treatment will be harder than the first, but I am ready to fight once again. Radiation to the base of the tongue is nasty; I have been told that it will be very, very painful; it results in horrible sores in your mouth and throat and I will most likely have to eat through a feeding tube. It changes the way that you taste and eat and things like breads/meats become your enemy (SERIOUSLY? Why couldn't vegetables become my enemy instead?). There are also some hard to swallow (lol because that is kind of punny in this situation right?) long-term side effects like losing my salivary glands and taste buds. Things will forever taste different to me (i.e. you can go from loving something to it tasting like metallic) and I will struggle to produce my own saliva. In the appointment where we reviewed side effects, I kept telling my radiation doctor that I was ok because "I knew I [could] do it" (but check back with me in a few weeks and see how optimistic I am then). This "experience" has made me stronger than I ever imagined, and although the next few months will be hard (read: possibly horrible) I know that I can do it because you never really know how brave you are until it's the only thing that you can be.
I will make sure to provide you all with daily updates on how the radiation is going (i.e. "Day 21: can no longer eat tacos or pizza so I am drowning in a puddle of my own tears). Totally kidding, but I'm sure I will post again soon, although don't hold me to it because I seem to be stuck in this "one-post-a-month" rut. Until then, I will be eating ALL the cheeseburgers, fried things, and mexican food until I can't anymore because for once in my life I have an excuse to do so.
As always, thank you ALL for praying and for keeping up with the details of my life as I go through this chapter. I am continually so thankful for the people that God has put in my life to help me through this, and I am ready to kick some more ass!
XXOO, L
.. just realized I shouldn't end a blog post with the word "ass". So here is an extra sentence to fix that problem.